You don't always need to be understood
October 15, 2018, 9:02 am
Yesterday I saw a car start to make a left in an intersection. After getting about 3/4 of the way through, he stopped just before entering the new lane he should be going into. It's hard to describe in words, because no one would ever do this. He was still in the middle of the intersection when he stopped. The car behind him had to stop as well, but dead in the middle of the intersection.
The second car honked. And rightfully so. A sort of nudging honk that doesn't exactly come across friendly until you step out of yourself and realize that all honks sound the same at their core, and situationally, this was just a short "hey there friend. I noticed you aren't moving, and thought you could use some encouragement" kind of honk.
The first car sort of did a hesitated bounce, then pulled forward. But only about 3 feet and then stopped again.
At this point there are three cars in the intersection, and the two cars behind are railing on their horns. What else could they do? The first car nudges forward a few more feet and then stops again once he is fully into the new lane, but the other two cars are still well out into the intersection, blocking traffic. Horns are honking. Windows are down and people are yelling.
And the guy in car number one steps out of his vehicle. In the middle of the lane, while blocking traffic. He steps out and begins yelling, and although I can't hear it, it's pretty clear the basic concept of what has happened.
He has had a complete breakdown of all of his faculties. He has gone through a barrage of emotions in a short amount of time. He was probably confused at a certain point. Then frustrated. Then suddenly scared. Then angry. Then humiliated. Then entrenched. Then confused again. Then pissed. And all of this probably happened within a 10 second window.
And then he did the only thing some can think of to do in a situation like this. He hunkered down, he backed himself into a corner, and he tried to get the world to recognize his feelings of hurt and fright and anger. Like a new dog barking at people at a party for the first time, he lashed out at anything and everything around him.
A bus pulled up to the blocked intersection and did something you rarely get to see. He got on his megaphone and started blasting at this guy loud and vocal. MOVE YOUR VEHICLE. CONTINUE TO THE SIDE. And the guy, suddenly presented with a solution instead of just loud noises... or perhaps presented with a bigger barking dog... got back in his vehicle and moved forward and to the side.
And I went about my day.
I think there could perhaps be a number of life lessons hidden within this story. And I am a big fan of finding life lessons in the situations one finds oneself. I think one life lesson is that you shouldn't just honk at a problem. Sometimes you need to yell solutions at it, until one sticks.
But I think the lesson most worth learning is actually one that people who need it might find difficult to learn. You don't need to stop the world for recognition every time you're upset. Most others will probably only become upset with you, and their resentment will not improve your condition. And even when someone presents a solution to you, you will have to be willing to become untrenched and accept an outward resolution. If all you want to do is stop the world and make everyone see that you're upset, you are not striving for a solution. If all you're doing is trying to find out whose fault it is, and not move forward, then resolution is so much more difficult.
There is a time and place for anger, for hurt, and for venting. But a person needs to learn to pull over to the side of the road, rather than forcing others to acknowledge the person's own struggles, just for the sake of acknowledgement.